It’s not a lie. Just delayed honesty.

Another year is nearing and there’s no sugar coating how much this year sucked in terms of personal effort. There are so many things I didn’t get around to that I should have. I kept taking on more things my mental capacity just couldn’t manage. Someone would call for assistance or something would happen in front of me, and I know I can’t deal with this right now BUT like an idiot, I took it on anyway. What ends up happening is everything as a whole becomes delayed or lost. And that my friends is what I call a shit show. So rather than just declining and being an arrogant asshole, I’m now a misunderstood lazy liar. Here’s where all the areas went wrong for me:

Family

If you know me, you know I care deeply about my family. When I say family, I don’t mean just my immediate family, but my aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, extended relatives, and so forth. When there is 40+ family members, their concerns in someway become yours as well. This takes up quite a bit of mental capacity. This year was a trying time for my family. We had lost my dear uncle who was one of the funniest and kindest family member’s life. My memory of him was always when I was a kid and how he spent so much time with my grandmother when she lived in his household. His passing hit my family pretty hard. My concern for them was paramount but I didn’t know where to begin aiding.

In the middle of all the disarray, I never got around to pay tribute on the passing date of my grandmother. I feel shitty about this. Her birthday is on December 4th. Who knows where I’ll be but hopefully I’ll remember to go and pay respect if I’m in NYC

On the other spectrum, my Uncle #5 has been immensely supportive in so many areas. We spent a lot of time together this year introducing me to foods, re-introducing me to friends I haven’t seen in 20 years for business opportunity, and keeping me motivated and level headed with work. There’s a brutal wisdom he deliversI find astonishing. He simplifies everything that I find complicated. When he says it, it’s like a wake up call

You want to do it – do it. You don’t want to do it – don’t do it and stop talking about it.

Uncle #5

Work

This year I definitely took on more than I should have with work. I spread myself incredibly thin and I am now eating the sour fruits of my ambitious leverage last year. I am now in full survival mode mentally as to trying to focus on 10 different directions at once. I am now seeing the result of how one bad decision can trickle into how I feel on a daily basis.

When I tell people what I mentioned above, many who don’t understand assume it’s financial pressure. Contrary, it has everything to do with where your mind, body, and soul wants to be. It feels like you’re busy and moving but not in the direction you want to be. So you try to move in more than one direction at once and over extending yourself so far that you run out of moves. As a result, you have physical time but mentally, you try to play catch up or fix something within yourself.

The one area I am finally happy to see is Productive Formula finally heading in the direction I need have been waiting for it to go. While the arrangement wasn’t ideal, it’s work that I feel most comfortable in out of all of my commitments

Hubnest has been more on the quiet side compared to the other commitment and it was done so by design as my focus has been dedicated to more long term work. Canna has failed given how the Cannabis industry turned a full 180 degree inside of a month during the summer. So I’m in the midst of an exit where I can only hope I recoup half of my investment. Beyond Query is extremely steady but the pace is slow. Some changes I plan to make in the future:

Personal

Should I even bother to continue promising myself a vacation in 2020? Haha. This is delayed honesty at its finest. My travels are always driven by work and I find time to get away to explore, so I’ll take what I can get. This holiday I plan to spend some time in possibly Florida or Texas. I also need to find a physical activity I will enjoy that will give me the motivation to create a routine.

I had a chance to speak with a very smart individual recently in developing a new Chinese association platform in Toronto. I am looking forward to seeing how this will transpire with the little time I have spent with some of the lead members. So far, I’m confident with their resolve and trust some manifestation of a community will develop from their efforts. This will be good for my soul.

Resonating to the previous point, as a leader personally and professionally, I want to step up more in aiding others to improve their professional or personal well being. Experiences are actually tangible not only to myself but to others as well. If a community can see value in my experience that results in their success, it’s my duty to offer to those committed. My connections and network are not something I have ever hoarded but the fundamental action is not only offering myself but asking others to offer themselves.

My social life has been erratic this year whether it’s meeting friends or going on dates. The effort hasn’t been the best but I am happy seeing from a distance my friends growing whether it’s career, family, or life satisfaction. I’ve lost touch with many people after leaving social media on April fools. I plan to return in the new year under a new agenda rather than social behavior and entertainment purposes. Something I personally want to fight for that requires me to send a message, like a call-to-arms or something.

Exciting times ahead. Curious of your 2019 reflection and plans for 2020. Let me know!