Last year, I foolishly thought I’d actually have a normal birthday because things would be back to normal, right? Wrong. No parties this year — that includes no weird social distance party. No drive-by birthday party. But birthday protests are cool.
The truth is I’ve never been excited about birthday parties, but I am with accepting gifts. Most people have no idea what to get someone turning X years old. So, let me help you out — here’s my birthday wishlist:
- Wear a mask. I’d be forever thankful if you just tried.
- Normalize poutine as the new age unhealthy staple in the US.
- Bring GOOD New York pizza to Canada and throw away their pizza bread they call pizza.
- Stop being a dick to immigrants or anyone culturally different.
- Prank your kids. If they cry, make sure it’s on video and send it my way.
- Remake Season 8 of Game of Thrones. We have time now. Please.
- Give landlords the right to destroy their own house to rid squatters because they’re worse than termites
Clearly I don’t take birthday’s seriously. There’s already too much going on in the world for my birthday to matter. I’m trying to make the most of the situation so that I can look back that is more meaningful than an uncelebrated birthday. People who seek to create moments should not mind the passing of time and getting older. It’s a privilege denied by many.