Over the years, I’ve gotten used to the social expectations that come with being a leader. It’s very much an unwritten rule when I’m in charge of a group of people. There’s this understanding that you show up. Birthdays, weddings, graduations, retirement parties. Sometimes these are for people I know well, other times it’s someone I’ve barely crossed paths with, yet I still feel that pull to be there.
On the surface, these celebrations are easy enough even with my anti-social moments. You show up, congratulate, smile, take some photos, maybe bring a small gift.
I’m currently working in an environment where there’s far more people I manage below me who are near retirement age, a quarter are low income households, and generally have poor awareness of their own health. So as a result, I find myself at hospital visits and funerals than I’m comfortable with
These past five months have been a strange anomaly. Several tragedies impacted people I lead or work alongside. No one told me this part when I stepped into leadership. It’s not part of the onboarding manual that covers what to do when my presence is less about cheer and more about support during the lowest points of someone and their family who I may or may not know.
The reality is, I don’t have to go to any of these things. I’m not obligated. But more often than not, it feels like the right thing to do because of how my team views me. And it’s in those moments standing awkwardly in a hospital waiting area or sitting in silence at a funeral that the weight of leadership feels most real. It’s not about decision-making or strategy then; it’s about being human enough to show up when it matters to your people.
For some reason writing this reminds me of Remember the Titans, the movie. I know I’m no coach Boone (that’s where the pic is from) but it does highlight where my team places me in their life.
Looking back, I realize no one warned me or prepared me for this. Maybe there’s no way to prepare anyone for it. Even now, I wouldn’t know what to tell a new leader stepping into this role. Maybe that’s why some coworkers choose not to get close to their colleagues. Keeping that distance makes it easier.